The Opponent

I am currently working on extra character layers for the Antagonist in my thriller novel, brainstorming on how to make this character as compelling as possible.

First. How do you define the Antagonist?

For me, I have to start with a definition of the Protagonist – the character who owns the story, and whose active pursuit of her goal will drive the plot forward.
The Antagonist is the equally fascinating character who by pushing against the protagonist shapes the story and drives the plot by forcing the protagonist to act.

There a number of key aspects I want to keep in mind;

1. The Antagonist is the character who shapes the plot, the most important person in the conflict, the character who makes the reader worry and keeps her turning the page.
If I have worked hard, my reader will have sympathy and empathy for my heroine. The antagonist is now going to start throwing rocks at her.

2. The antagonist must be strong and active, somebody the reader fears will defeat the protagonist.
My heroine is strong, intelligent and a survivor.
My opponent has to be all of those things and more.

3. Since I am writing a thriller, I want the antagonist to be just as compelling as the protagonist, just as fascinating to read, just as smart, just as funny perhaps, just as good at what he does. In fact, the antagonist should be formidable in every way possible, and stronger than the protagonist – making her work hard and be creative. NOT just REACTIVE but PROACTIVE.
I need to show my antagonist in his ordinary life, doing his job. Even if this is carving the Mona Lisa with a craft knife on the stomach of his victims.

4. But the antagonist is also in need of something. He is pursuing his goal for the same reason that the heroine is pursuing hers: it’s important to his sense of self-worth, his identity. He may not have a character arc as powerful as the protagonist, but he certainly cannot be pulled out of the wings, twirling his moustache, to be the bad guy as in a children’s cartoon. No. He has to have a character profile. His own needs and goals. His own problems.

Why does he love the Mona Lisa? Is he Italian? What is his motivation?

5. The antagonist’s pursuit of his goal must be in direct opposition to the goal of the protagonist – creating ‘ Conflict Lock’ so that the two characters are locked in until one of them wins. It is this key conflict which is going to shape the plot- and shape the action of my hero, since she will be forced to react and act proactively is she intends to be the winner.

What is the Conflict Lock?
This is where the two characters may either both have the same goal – or they have different goals which are in direct opposition.
The best way of seeing this visually is by drawing up a 4 square grid and I tip my hat to Michael Hague and Jennifer Crusie for showing me this technique, which you can use from the Act level right down to individual scenes.

Protagonist GOAL= Dorothy wants to go home to Kansas with Toto.

Protagonist CONFLICT= She has to ask the way home from the Wizard – but the wicked witch of the west is determined to stop her from leaving

Antagonist GOAL = The wicked witch of the west wants her sister’s ruby slippers.
Antagonist CONFLICT = Dorothy is wearing the ruby slippers and cannot take them off. AND she wants to leave town.

The top two boxes of your 2 by 2 square are your protagonist’s goal and conflict (the action that is causing her conflict).The bottom two boxes are your antagonist’s goal and conflict (the action that is causing his conflict).
The idea is that the protagonist’s goal is the one thing that is blocking the Opponent from obtaining HIS goal. And the Opponent’s goal is blocking our Heroine from obtaining HER goal.
You should be able to draw an arrow from Goal Row 1 to Conflict Row 2, and Goal Row 2 to Conflict Row 1.

Result = Conflict Lock.

6. The key turning points of my story should track the building conflict between the protagonist and the antagonist. From the start, I want to be able to imagine the Final Fight to the Finish between my hero and the person who has been blocking her all the way. I want to be able to track the fight between these two people all the way from the Inciting Incident – which should be caused directly or indirectly by the Antagonist – to the one to one final fight. Where only one of them wins – and the reader/audience will not know who this until it physically happens.

7. The reader wants to be on the edge of their seat to find out who will win – and it is no contest if the opponent is way superior to our heroine – they should be equally matched. Think of an equally skilled football game.

8. BOTH of these two key characters MUST be actively fighting for their goals – which might be the same goal. Two treasure fighters after the same sacred icon aka Lara Croft or Indiana Jones. Or one corrupt cop trying to keep hold of his million dollars so he can buy his life back, while the less corrupt cop tries to take the money from him as evidence. Or a divorced mother finds that her estranged husband has run off to India with their daughter, vowing never to return. That active fight will force the hero to change, adapt, be smarter, quicker, better.

9. Both of these two key characters will be forced to make decisions and take actions. Leading to character arc for one or both. Or a bullet and a medal.

10. I want to have my protagonist on the page as soon as possible – the first paragraph if possible. And that means I need my antagonist right there – or the result of his actions and decisions, as part of the SCENE ANTAGONIST who is linked to the main antagonist.
Example. Cops going to murder scene- finds the work of the antagonist, with clues.

Now. All I have to do is create this fantastic character. GULP!

Using a Dilemma to drive your story

A DILEMMA.

A choice has to be made between two equally bad - or two equally good- alternatives.

Example. Our hero’s brother needs a life or death operation that costs serious money. But all of our hero’s cash is earmarked to finally turn his barely surviving business into a success, and to make a down payment on a new home, thus saving his marriage and removing his kids from a dangerous neighbourhood.

Example. Do you remember that true story where a young man was trapped by the arm in a rock fall in a remote part of US desert and having done everything he could to escape over 5 days, had to decide whether to simply wait until someone found him - which might never happen since nobody knew where he was - or cut off his own arm - and he might bleed to death. Aron Ralston chose the later.

Example. Many marriage of convenience stories or moral dilemmas - Charles Dickens loved them -such as where the pretty heroine innocent has to marry the repellant man to save her sister/aged parent/child from destitution or prison or some other terrible fate. Today it would be the unmarried mother who needs what this man can offer her. Or the person who has to lie in court to save someone they love.

Two equally unacceptable alternatives – two equally [very] painful choices.

Forced to choose between sacrificing himself or sacrificing a loved one, our character finds himself paralysed, unable to make a choice. A dilemma to lose sleep over.

Neither option is good, because each is at odds with the other.

One good central dilemma can be the ENGINE driving the drama.

Once your protagonist is trapped in it, the dilemma can build in intensity until the crisis point forces decision and action – no matter how much the heroine wants to put off making that decision, it has to be done. One way or the other. The dilemma is finally resolved at the point of resolution.

I have come to this point through an excellent book on Screenwriting - 'Writing a Great Movie' by Jeff Kitchen*. Working through this book has given me excellent insights into how I can polish my current WIP thriller and build the conflict.


Up to this point I had not recognised the fact that my thriller has at least four key dilemmas which drive my heroine, some from her backstory and motivation, some from the plot and action line of the story.


Pulling out the thread of each dilemma has helped me build the scenes which set-up the alternatives she has to choose from and build the conflict as the action progresses.

*http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/reader/0823069788/ref=sib_dp_pt#reader-link

Thriller Writing Challenges

Among other things, I write Medical Thrillers.

And one of the greatest challenges I find is this: HOW TO MAKE THE CONFLICT PERSONAL?
What do I mean by that?
Imagine you have a medical condition or medical disaster- eg. A virus or a bioweapon perhaps, in your story.
The Bioweapon is not a conflict. There is no implicit emotional element in a virus - it is the EFFECT of the virus on a person which creates the conflict.

This is a tool used by an Antagonist as part of his plan to kill people and cause chaos - or perhaps something more creative, such as he actually wants to kill ONE Person and uses the bioweapon as a cover story.
The character of this opponent and his plan drives the action plot - and that is where the challenge lies.

John Truby* wrote an excellent critique of the movie ‘OUTBREAK‘ ** which explains some of the KEY CHALLENGES inherent in creating screenplay for an ‘Action Thriller’. This film came out in 1995 and stared Dustin Hoffman and Kevin Spacey among others .

1. How do you create an ongoing and a building opposition when your opponent is a virus?
You can’t do it. You can’t have a dramatic fight against an invisible bug. So you have to have a personal opposition.
So, the main opponent doesn’t remain the virus, it is General McClintock.
Let’s look at this opponent for a minute. This guy is clearly a villain. In this movie we’re not going to see any subtlety of opposition between hero and main opponent. They’re not going to have a lot of moral fighting about whatever they might fight about. That’s not what this opponent is all about. He is there to provide as heavy an opposition as we can get for our hero.
This guy does have two really great advantages. One is that he provides the source for the conspiracy, where most of the plot comes from. Without him, we really have no plot. Once we hit those virus beats, we’re going to run out of plot. The other great advantage he gives us is that he escalates the story up to the battle. We can’t get to that battle without him.
There’s a second opponent besides McClintock and he’s an opponent ally. This is General Billy Ford.
As an opponent ally, he is somebody who appears to be a friend to the hero but is actually an enemy. General Ford is an in-between character in this sense. He acts fundamentally as an opponent but he also acts as a friend, especially at the end of the story.
Like McClintock, he is crucial for plot because like any opponent ally, he is hidden. The true nature of his opposition is hidden.

2. How do you get a personal line into a fast action story?
Because that personal line is what’s going to make it pay off emotionally for the audience. It’s very difficult to do because you’re moving so fast that you really don’t want to slow down and take that time.
How did the writers of ‘Outbreak - LAWRENCE DWORET & ROBERT ROY POOL- do it?

There are two storylines in this movie ‘Outbreak’.
The action line for the plot, and the personal line for the protagonist hero detective.
In Outbreak the writers take the time to establish a personal track between the husband and the wife. during the Set-Up initial scenes.
This is a crucial step, and is part of building the empathy of the audience with this hard driven scientist who is totally focused and skilled in his work.
He might be the world expert on this virus - but he is also still in love with his wife who he has just divorced. This Personal line holds steady throughout the story, and it grounds the movie, which goes all over the place, as it deals with the scientific details and action scenes. And it just gives a real solid, personal connection in a story that really needs it.

3. How do you focus all the action in a single arena.

Again, this is especially difficult in a film like “Outbreak” where you’re covering epic action, it covers a huge amount of territory. [The film is set in Zaire and at least four key locations in the US.] How did the writers of ‘Outbreak - do it?
By using a ‘Whirlpool’ effect so that the story starts wide, then gradually circles in to a small town in California, where the key players battle it out.

4. A third big problem is how do you create enough plot?
Although we have a lot of action in action stories, we often don’t have very much plot.
How did the writers of ‘Outbreak - do it?
There is a very strong SINGLE desire line.
We have the added advantage that it is a building desire line.
The overall desire line for the character in this story is to find the agent of this disease and to create an antibody to stop it. That pretty much tracks all the way through. Because this virus is so deadly, we have a time element involved in that we’ve got to solve this problem real fast or not just this town is going to go but it will spread throughout the entire country.
The writers take this spine of a plot line and build it, and build it. Increasing stakes. Adding a ticking clock in two places. Adding two foreshadow sections where where the audience knows the virus has already spread and how - but the hero and victims are ignorant, creating tension and excitement.
Plot comes from hidden information and sudden reveals.

Which leads to a very important point.

If you want a lot of plot, you MUST have a very active but hidden opponent. That’s exactly what we get in this script provided by the virus, and provided by McClintock.

In fact, if you were to break this script down, you would find that there are, depending on how you determine reveals, you would find fourteen to sixteen revelations in this script. That is a tremendous amount of reveals giving us a tremendous amount of plot.

*Go here to read the full article: http://www.truby.com/outbreakbd.html*

*Go here to dowload the screenplay for ‘Outbreak’ which was written by LAWRENCE DWORET & ROBERT ROY POOL. This is the December 1993 Draft: http://www.dailyscript.com/scripts/Outbreak.pdf

High Concept Log Line - 'The Abduction'

As a follow on from the previous post on the creation of Loglines - I thought it would be kewl to apply the same strategy to a recent thriller novel ‘The Abduction’ from Mark Gimenez and see what I can come up with.

‘High Concept’ Logline for ‘The Abduction’ by Mark Gimenez.
The Main Protagonist = Ben Brice. Who will drive the detective elements of the Action Line.
But - also provides the main Personal Line in the story.

1. The Protagonist’s main character trait that begins his or her transformational arc.

He is an alcoholic living with his dog in a remote cabin. His main trait is the bitter guilt he feels about not being able to save the life of a girl during the Vietnam war = his ghost. Demonstrated by his alcoholism and loss of his family.

2. The Protagonist’s main function in the story.

Ben must become the detective who will never give up the search for his granddaughter, even when the FBI believe that she is probably already dead.

3.The main story conflict and the central question of the story.

Will Ben be able to find Gracie, his granddaughter, safe and well, before time runs out?

4. The Antagonist or forces of antagonism.

Ben has to face the army officers whose career he destroyed when he gave evidence against them for war crimes. Those same men are responsible for the kidnap - and it soon becomes clear that he is indirectly responsible for the crime.
There is a hierarchy of opponents working here.
Ben has to face his own internal demons, the ghost in his past, the FBI and local law enforcement officers who are unwilling to act, and heavily armed men, and take direct bloody action to save his granddaughter.

5. The Protagonist’s goal and transformational arc.

At the end of the story, Ben has saved the life of a child, is reunited with his estranged son and wife, has stopped drinking and the ghost from his past has been removed.

My idea for a simple LogLine for this Thriller would be something like this:
‘When the granddaughter of an alcoholic Vietnam war veteran is kidnapped, he refuses to give up the search and sets out to find her, and in the process becomes reconciled to the trauma of his past mistakes.’

For comparison, the actual Blurb on the website for the book
[ http://www.abductionthebook.com/about.php ] =
‘Is there a Plan to our lives?…or are our lives just a series of random events?

Ben Brice lives alone in a remote cabin outside Taos and drowns his memories of Vietnam in Jim Beam. But when Gracie, his ten-year-old granddaughter, is abducted outside Dallas, Ben puts down the bottle and goes in search of her, afraid that his dark past has come back to haunt her. Or is it just a random coincidence?’

NOTE - this LogLine also includes the Theme of the book - the idea of life having a Plan of sorts.

The One Page Synopsis reads like this -
‘Ben Brice lives alone in the New Mexico wilderness, where he builds furniture and battles memories of Vietnam with oceans of Jim Beam.
Miles away in Texas, his estranged son, John, an Internet geek-turned-billionaire, half-watches his daughter Gracie’s soccer game while on his cell phone.
When her mother, Elizabeth, arrives, the coach reports that her “brother” has already collected Gracie. But she has no brother- the girl was kidnapped.
The FBI gets called, as does Ben Brice.
Though rebuffed by his family as a pathetic drunk, Ben hopes to help save his beloved granddaughter.
With dozens of Feds and cops camped out in the house, the family offers a reward of $25 million.
Then the cops, searching out known sex offenders in the area, find Gracie’s jersey and traces of her blood in the car of Gary Jennings, an employee of John Brice.
They bring Jennings in, the case is closed, and Gracie is presumed dead.
Ben, however, does not believe Gracie is dead, nor does he believe that Jennings is the abductor.
After uncovering an FBI lead that placed two men with a blonde girl in Idaho, Ben and John decide to check it out.
As the race against time continues, family secrets from their past make Gracie’s survival more uncertain than ever.‘

NOTE - the focus is on the Inciting Incident and the role of Ben Brice.

Each line is a Plot Point. A turning point which forces Ben to make decisions and take action.

Conclusions? ‘The Abduction is a 500 page, probably 130, 000 word book. And the author has created an Action Line and Personal Line which can be expressed in a one sentence logline.
Awesome. As my American friends would say.

Loglines.

Loglines. Premise. The Story Idea. The Pitch.

For a newbie like myself, these can seem bewildering concepts which are only relevant to screenwriters and of no value to fiction writers.

Wrong.

What do you say when someone who is genuinely interested in you works asks the killer question ‘ What’s the Story about?’ and 10 minutes later you are still giving him the backstory about the villian’s demonic mother in the Ukraine, and your potential agent/publisher/friend is desperately signalling to a colleague to find an excuse to get away from you.

Why?

Because you are boring, rambling, and worse, you have not answered the question. Or, even worse, you are just getting into your stride on all of the research you completed on the causes of the Franco=Prussian War and - wait for it - there is no story because you are still looking for characters who can postulate your theory.
And in doing so you have just demonstrated that you are anything else EXCEPT a professional author.

AHHH! Career alert!

So. What is your Story About?

To me, I have to be able to give a simple answer like this -
My story is about someone [ your protagonist]….who strives for [goal]… and this stands in his way [ forces of opposition and antagonism].

WHO he is, WHAT he wants, and WHAT he is going to have to overcome to get it.

Examples?

For a short story it could be;

‘ Little Sarah, aged 4 and a half, is promised by her mother that she can have a chocolate ice cream, but first she has to eat her dinner vegetables. And they are ALL GREEN. Can she survive such horror?'
For a movie, how about;
‘Set in West Texas, a man on the run with a suitcase full of money is pursued by a number of individuals.’
Or ‘ When an attorney gets zapped by his son’s birthday wish, he learns that he can no longer tell a lie even when he tries, so he must now win the biggest case of his career by being honest.’

One sentence. A logline.

This is a SELLING TOOL for your work. The 30 second elevator pitch.

But what if you want a logline to keep YOU, the writer, on track during the writing and editing and re-writing. The paragraph you have taped to your PC monitor to remind you that this is what you are meant to be writing about?

For me, that is when the Logline becomes the Story Line. And it has to serve different functions.

Clearly states The Main Desire line for your hero which will drive the story from start to finish. This is the spine and passionate force in your story. Even for ice cream.
Sets up the Story Question. We know the tale is over when the Goal set out in the Desire line is achieved and the reader turns the last page.
Sets up the Character Arc for the protagonist.

The Unknown Screenwriter calls this his ‘COMPASS LOGLINE’ and provides this list of essential elements for an ‘High Concept’ Compass Logline:

• The Protagonist’s main character trait that begins his or her transformational arc.


• The Protagonist’s main function in the story.


• The main story conflict and the central question of the story.


• The Antagonist or forces of antagonism.


• The Protagonist’s goal and transformational arc.

Go here to find out more about each element=

http://www.unknownscreenwriter.com/category/screenwriting-secrets/

What do I need to know BEFORE I can create a compelling, and hopefully High Concept Compass Logline/Story Line for my latest bestseller?

I need to know who my Protagonist is.

What is she like? What are the character traits which make her unique and interesting. Her backstory and, most importantly, what motivates her to make the decisions she is taking in her ‘ordinary life’.

I need to know how my Protagonist will change by the end of the story- and why. I can then use this to focus on key aspects of my heroine’s character.

I need to know what the Inciting Incident is, and how this will create a compelling GOAL for my Protagonist which becomes the Story Question which will be answered by the end of the story.

What will she have to ENDURE on this journey?

Who or What is going to block my heroine from achieving her goal?

For me, I have to complete at least a first draft OUTLINE of my novel BEFORE I can answer these questions. The key turning points. A character bio for hero and her antagonist.
In some cases I have to write the first draft before I can answer these questions, since my ideas were still fluid at the Story Idea point.
I did not know HOW the character arc would be complete until my heroine took me there.
But I did have a basic Story Line from Day One.
I THEN use the extended logline to help during the revisions and editing.

PLUS I can use this one paragraph outline to create the perfect Back Cover Blurb for the book, and the extended selling material. Not a word wasted.

No one said this was easy…but, sheesh.

Word Salad

Stuck for the right word?

I believe it was Robert Southey who said, "It is with words as with sunbeams, the more they are condensed, the deeper they burn.

"Project Gutenberg has available (free to all) Greenville Kleiser's classic reference book, "15,000 Useful Phrases: A Practical Handbook Of Pertinent Expressions, Striking Similes, Literary, Commercial, Conversational, And Oratorical Terms, For The Embellishment Of Speech And Literature, And The Improvement Of The Vocabulary Of Those Persons Who Read, Write, And Speak English."

This is a great tool for aspiring writers, because action lines really are about the mastery of condensed phrases.

To give you a taste, here are some of the phrases under the "A" category.

It's the almost contradictory phrases that excite me, such as, "adorable vanity, adulated stranger, artificial suavity, and agreeable frankness."

abandoned hope

abated pride

abbreviated visit

abhorred thraldom [thraldom = enslaved or in bondage]

abiding romance

abject submission

abjured ambitionable strategist

abnormal talents

abominably perverse

abounding happiness

abridged statement

abrogated law

abrupt transition

absolutely irrevocable

absorbed reverie

abstemious diet [abstemious = eating and drinking in moderation]

abstract character

abstruse reasoning

absurdly dangerous

abundant opportunity

abusive epithet

abysmally apologetic

academic rigor

accelerated progress

accentuated playfulness

accepted littleness

accessible pleasures...

And who does not love 'Accessible Pleasures?'

Snarf.

And now back from procrastination to hammer this synopsis into shape. With a bent spoon, wearing a blindfold, at the moment.

Character Development - 5 Stages of Grief

In 1969, based on her years of working with terminal cancer patients, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.”

While these stages represented the feelings of people who were themselves facing death, many people now apply them to experiencing other negative life changes (a break-up, loss of a job) and to people facing death or experiencing the death of loved ones.

Kübler-Ross proposed these Five Stages of Grief:

Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what is going to happen/has happened.”


Prior to the cycle, you have a normal-functioning person… Then, something happens that throws their world out of whack… They now begin the cycle:

Stage 1: Shock and Denial

• Avoidance


• Confusion


• Fear


• Numbness


• Blame

Stage 2: Anger

• Frustration


• Anxiety


• Irritation


• Embarrassment


• Shame

Stage 3: Depression and Detachment

• Overwhelmed


• Blahs


• Lack of energy


• Helplessness

Stage 4: Dialogue and Bargaining

• Reaching out to others


• Desire to tell one’s story


• Struggle to find meaning for what has happened

Stage 5: Acceptance

• Exploring options


• A new plan in place

With the cycle now complete, this person returns to a meaningful life having been TRANSFORMED and experiences the following:

• Empowerment


• Security


• Self-esteem


• Meaning
  

However, Kübler-Ross herself never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns.

In her last book before her death in 2004, she said of the five stages, “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives.”

You could ALMOST structure an entire story based on these 5 stages and while I’m not advocating exactly that, I’m almost positive that by learning just a little more about this model, you’ll go a long way toward creating believable characters and have your Protagonist TRANSFORMED by the end of your story…

Could be an interesting way to look at the character's journey.

Playing the Numbers Game

Using Screenplay Outlines to help Edit your Story.

Is YOUR story hitting the beats?

Most writers create broad outlines for their work at the Story Development Stage.

Or second draft stage if they write blind and sculpt a story backwards.

Screenwriters would have you believe that they track the Action Line for a story much more rigorously.

There any SO many examples of how a story should track - from a Basic 3 Act to a 22 point revelation sequence and everything in between.

Blake Snyder has summarised the key stages in a typical Hollywood movie in a useful flow chart in his book ‘Save the Cat’ - which is available here: http://www.blakesnyder.com/tools

It goes something like this: there are 15 steps in the screenplay format and each one corresponds to approx. position in the manuscript, so that the entire story is completed in 110 pages = 110 minutes on the screen for a movie.

THE BLAKE SNYDER BEAT SHEET

1. Opening Image (1):

2. Theme Stated (5):

3. Set-Up (1-10):

4. Catalyst (12):

5. Debate (12-25):

6. Break into Two (25)

7. B Story (30):

8. Fun and Games (30-55):

9. Midpoint (55):

10. Bad Guys Close In (55-75):

11. All Is Lost (75):

12. Dark Night of the Soul (75-85):

13. Break into Three (85):

14. Finale (85-110):

15. Final Image (110):

This is a classical 4 Act structure- Turning points at about 25% and 50% and 75% of the script with the Black Moment in the last act. But having been through a few examples with recent films, I have to say that this basic structure is still valid.

Triumph of the Unconscious?

Billie Mernit - author of 'Writing the Romantic Comedy' and blogger extraordinaire, also teaches screenwriting.


His blog today http://www.livingromcom.typepad.com/ is linked to a course he is running with guest of honour Nick Kazan -


'Perseverance was a theme in our discourse: working sometimes for years on a story to get it right, with the particular kind of stubborn will-power that's central to the modern storyteller's craft and career survival.

Simultaneously what struck me as a through-line in our conversation, surfacing in different contexts as we discussed how a story takes shape and develops on the page, was how much of the screenwriter's method is intuitive.
When he starts to write a scene, Nick favors literally closing his eyes and letting the images flow.

"Just watch what happens in the scene, don't try to force it," he said, "then write down what you see.

Then close your eyes again.

You're tickling the unconscious... If you let the movie happen, let the characters speak, then what you get is more visual and cinematic."

And we talked about how film operates like a dream.'



















I have heard romance authors speaking about how they work in a similar way.

Maybe it is something I should try for myself? Give the girls in the basement something to work on during the night? Could be...










What's playing on my YouTube right now? Guys from Roswell to Toxic. [Yes, I know, I have no time to watch TV shows like Roswell.]
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=KqDFWKCeYHs&feature=PlayList&p=CB2A008B473B9A92&index=8

Cinematic Storytelling

Billie Mernit is the author of 'Writing the Romantic Comedy' and reads movie scripts for his day job. I always learn something from his blog *- and todays missive is no exception.





'Cinematic storytelling -- the term that's come to define this particular approach to screenwriting -- involves a kind of three-step process (though these steps are often enacted simultaneously):


1) you conceive your story in filmic terms,


2) you see the movie in your head, and


3) you write the story in a language that vividly communicates that movie's sounds and images.'

I wonder how many writers use this very visual and sensory approach to pre-screening the scenes of the fiction before writing them down?

Romance - certainly.

Suspense - almost certainly. In my case, yes. It is a key part of my work.

Perhaps this is the fundamental appeal of genre fiction as opposed to MOST literary fiction - the reader is invited into a fully realised world.

Part of creating the 'fictive dream' is surely to provide a fully engrossing and vicarious experience?

Interesting. I have learnt a lot from screenwriting techniques over the years - and am still learning. Thank goodness.

*http://www.livingromcom.typepad.com/

Writing Resources - Vicki Hinze

Opening your eyes to technology - does not mean reinventing the wheel. These pigeons truly did take aerial photos in war times before spy planes and remote drones.

Someone much cleverer than I, said that the Internet was like having a Library at your fingertips. A huge and always expanding library which is SO easy to get lost in for days on end.

So, when I find a resource which focuses on what I need to know, I jump on it.

I first came to Vicki Hinze through the Silhouette Bombshell series and personal recommendations through the net/online communities.

I only recently discovered that Vicki Hinze has an archive of free articles on the whole world of writing, which are available through her website and blog.

The current Feature Article for example, is about Character, and well worth reading.

Although they focus on Romance and Suspense Fiction there are technical articles which could relate to any aspect of publishing.

They are listed alphabetically in the 'Writers' Library' Tab, and you can find them here: http://www.vickihinze.com/

Be sure to look back through the archive articles too.

pic from National Geographic.

A different approach to Story Structure

Robert Browne has been taking a different slant on story structure, and I pick out a few salient points for my education and delight.

THE GENTLE ART OF LOVEMAKING

We're often reminded in how-to books that the typical story is broken into three acts:

Set-up, Confrontation, and Resolution.

But what if we were to refer to the three acts in this way: Seduction, Foreplay, and Climax.

We want to create a successful story with a satisfying ending -- one that keeps our partners wanting more -- we must pay careful attention to these three words.

SEDUCTION

The beginning of a story, any story, cannot and should not be referred to as anything other than a seduction.

It is our job to make our audience want us.

We must create characters that our audience won't mind, figuratively speaking, getting into bed with. Particularly the lead.

Is he or she someone we find attractive?

Does he have a problem or flaws we can relate to?

Are his life circumstances universal yet unique enough to pique our interest?

Mystery. Every story should be a mystery. Remember the girl in college the guys all wanted but knew so little about?

A big part of her allure was that hint of mystery she carried.

No matter what genre you're writing in, you should never, never, never put all of your cards on the table at the beginning of the game.

Instead you must reveal them one at a time, each new card offering a clue to the mystery of our characters and their stories.

The third and most important element of seduction is giving your characters a goal.

And not just your lead.

Every single character you write should have a goal of some kind. Put two characters with opposing goals in a room and you have drama.

But the goal of your hero must be compelling enough to intrigue us and hold our interest.

In The Fugitive, Harrison Ford is wrongly convicted of killing his wife, escapes to find her killer, and soon discovers he's being hunted by a relentless cop who doesn't care whether or not Ford is guilty. All three elements of seduction are satisfied and guess what?

We're hooked.

For thoughts on Foreplay and Climax go here; http://www.bksp.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=127&Itemid=1

'Every time you sit down to write, you must remember that your audience is your partner, your lover, and in order to make them happy you must seduce, thrill and, most importantly, satisfy.'

Interesting.

What's playing on my YouTube at the moment? Goldfrapp. [The video is mad. ]http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=5VPyso87fZU&feature=user

Black Moment Scene, Wednesday

Danger/Black Moment; where the inner conflicts clash in a devastating way, driven by an external event. The whole book has been moving toward this moment, the darkest hour when all seems lost.

This is the scene when the Plan Fails. Some major revelation through the external conflict threatens their relationship, which directly challenges the internal conflict and fears of one of them. Or both.

John Truby* teaches screenwriting, but the story structure is very similar to that described by Jenny Crusie** and other story coaches. With perhaps one exception.

John advises that the author look VERY hard at the battle and self-revelation storylines and THEN look backwards to see how the writer has built up the detail on the internal conflict so that this scene is the most powerful in the book.

In effect, creating the storyline from the self-revelation moment.

So today I am focusing on what I want this scene/chapter to achieve, before working my way backwards to see if the turning points support the conflicts and this scene is both inevitable and necessary.

My heroine has been through the grinder. Time for her to break through and find happiness with the man who has come to love her.

Then all I have to do is revise the scene to make it the most powerful and fundamental life changeing event in her life.

That's all... Sigh. I need Josh.

**http://www.crusiemayer.com/workshop/the-central-question-and-the-conflict-box/jenny/

*http://www.truby.com/

No YouTube today - Mozart on Radio 3. http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio3/breakfast/pip/i75iy/

Almost There

Still working on the 'Black Moment' and 'Resolution' chapters, but I was re-reading notes from the Writing Course run online - and free- by Jenny Crusie and Bob Meyer, and one section struck me which I shall take the liberty of paraphrasing here.


'Does the climactic scene show the protag and antag in direct, active conflict, fighting to the real or metaphorical death, delivering on the promise made in the beginning and satsifying the reader through catharsis?
Is the pay-off enough?
Have you run a scene analysis on it to make sure it can stand up to the scrutiny of being the most important scene in the story? Is it followed by a short resolution that returns the protagonist to a stable world?

If not, don’t give up.

But the tighter and more focused you make your narrative, the more clarity you’ll have in your storytelling and the more likely you are to keep your reader.

Remember in the final edit, it’s all about the reader. Not you, not your vision, not your deathless prose, not the stuff you want the reader to know, just the stuff the reader wants to know, the story that’s going to take her to another world and give her the emotional release she craves from a good book.

Cut away everything else. Then send it to your editor.'


For the full article go here: http://www.crusiemayer.com/workshop/she-wrote-story-editing/jenny/
Warning - since there have been lessons every WEEK so far - there is a complete library of useful material for lateral thinking on this course. It is a personal view from two very experienced authors and may not be the way YOU work, but it certainly kick starts my little grey cells, especially when developing a new story idea. http://www.crusiemayer.com/workshop/syllabus


What's playing on my YouTube right now? Jensen Ackles, Bad to the Bone. I know. And it's only 7am. The shame! http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iCOoiFP69_s

Locations

I find myself struggling with how to describe the dream location for my WIP.

Imagine if you will an Austrian coffee shop. In Vienna for example.

There will be patisserie. Hand made chocolates and cakes galore. At least 10 different types of coffee. And a sunny courtyard. Newspapers and black apron waiters.

Only it has to be in London.

And I don't want to distract from the romance. Or scoff any more cake.

Must write faster. Bye.

What's playing on my YouTube right now? Blast from the past - Simple Minds. Don't you forget about me. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=UAn8lu3C9IE

THE FICTIVE DREAM

How to Induce the Fictive Dream

Notes from 'How to Write Damn Good Fiction: Advanced Techniques for Dramatic Storytelling,' by James N. Frey

James M. Frey, in How to Write a Damn Good Novel II, says, "As a fiction writer, you're expected to transport a reader. Readers are said to be transported when, while they are reading, they feel that they are actually living in the story world and the real world around them evaporates."

In this altered state of consciousness, the reader can become so absorbed that you must shake him to get his attention.

Absorption is probably the better word: the reader is absorbed/transported into the story world.

This experience is often called the "Fictive Dream," and that is as good a name for it as any. It's like a daydream, except that the reader isn't its author. It occurs at a subconscious level.

How do you induce the Fictive Dream?

1. Use vivid, sensual details to begin the dream state. Let your reader experience the world of the character first-hand, through the character's senses.

2. Gain the reader's sympathy for your character by making the reader feel sorry for the character. Loneliness, lovelessness, repression, embarrassment, humiliation, privation, danger--any situation that brings physical, mental, or spiritual suffering will make your reader sympathize with your character.

3. Engender reader identification with your character. Give your character a noble goal that the reader can support, and the reader will take his side, no matter how much of a slime he is or has been.

4. Create sympathy for your character by providing sensuous details in the character's environment--the sights, sounds, pains, smells, etc., that the character is feeling--that will trigger the reader's emotions.

5. Inner conflict--misgivings, guilt, doubts, remorse, indecision--will lead the reader to side with your character in the decisions he is forced to make--decisions of a moral nature that have grave consequences for the character (such as putting their honor or self-worth at stake).

Inner conflict can be thought of as a battle between two voices within the character: one of reason, the other of passion--or of two conflicting passions. One of a protagonist, the other of a protagonist. (The little devil and angel on the character's shoulder.)

These voices engage in rising conflict that comes to some kind of climax, where a decision is made that leads to action. This debate produces tension and suspense about what the character will decide to do.

This participation in the decision-making process is what transports the reader into the fictive dream state.

A lot of this advice has been stated in other classic work on creating emotive fiction, and especially genre fiction, but I find it interesting that these five elements are being proposed for ALL fiction.

Now all I have to do it make it happen. Sigh.

pic = Dream On by AndreInacu

What's playing on my YouTube right now? Damien Rice The Blower's Daughter. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=8ThuXEDvCZk&feature=PlayList&p=4F1D642A6F9D7B46&index=49

Lurv scenes

Some people adore reading love scenes, dreaming about love scenes, making up love scenes with their fav actors and actresses on Tv and movies. Watching kissing scenes on YouTube.

Some people have even been known to fast forward DVDs and Videos to their favourite 'kissy bit' [ end of North and South. YOU know what I'm talking about!]

So why is it so hard to describe them on paper?
Is there a checklist of components you need to put it all together?

Setting.- Yes, tropical sunkissed beach. Moonlit gardens, they can help. Arabian desert. No mosquitos or sand flies or other biting insects on bare bits of course, unless someone has to kiss it better. Or you are a vampire/ chimera in a graveyard.

Sensory detail - only so much you can do without it becoming a cliche = smell 1, touch 2, skin 3, taste 4, sounds 5 [ no squidge thank you]. Repeat for hero and heroine as required.

Physical detail - imagination required to make it special instead of anatomical tab a into slot b
[see squidge above]. Paranormals have some advantages here. [ Think about it....]

Emotional detail - ah. Tricky. What has brought these two people here at this moment in time? What happened before- and what is going to happen after? How has this scene changed them?

Whether you are writing erotica or sweet romance, don't we all want to add more tenderness and, well, love, into our love scenes?

Back to character again. Always back to character.

And nobody said it was going to be easy.



What's playing on my YouTube right now? The 'kissy bit' from Lost http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=170A946s7Mg&feature=PlayList&p=10960FB742FA50ED&index=3

More words from the wise

Tess Gerritsen* had an interesting topic on her blog recently re: the fear of losing everything she has worked for overnight and the effects this may well have on her writing. The compulsion with security keeps her hungry and fighting to write a better book, and achieve better sales.


Kyle Kerr ** began his comment to this blog entry as follows:

'During the Maui Writers Retreat, John Lescroart made a really great speech…
He says that, during the writing process, there are two different modes an author goes into. When she’s writing the first draft, the author is in “Genius Mode,” where everything she writes is flecked with gold and diamonds.
Then, when it comes time for editing and revision, she enters “Idiot Mode,” where the author realizes that what she had first taken for gold and diamonds is actually pyrite and kitty litter. It’s the worst thing she’s ever seen, let alone written herself.'

These two comments made me think long and hard about my own writing, and whether I am hungry ENOUGH, working hard ENOUGH, focusing enough on writing the very best book I can possibly write with every scrap of talent I can bring to the words.

I am editing and rewriting at the moment, and know that I need to rewrite most of the opening first chapters to focus on the heroine and her internal conflict.

There are diamonds among the cat litter. But who wants to sort through cat litter? I do. I have to. This is the work. Needs to be done. Will be done.

Melissa James *** writes at least six drafts of her work, each one focusing on another layer of the work. This may well be the technique that works for me, starting with a 'discovery draft' in Genius Mode, then the flip side where I need to spend serious time being an Idiot.

Only good times ahead.

** Go here for Kyle's website http://www.kylewkerr.com/ , and

*here for Tess Gerritsen's blog http://www.tessgerritsen.com/blog/ and

***here for Melissa James article http://www.melissajames.net/Articles/Depth%20-6.htm

What's playing on my YouTube right now? The movie soundtrack to Pan's Labyrinth. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ebGorMugbAA&feature=PlayList&p=4F1D642A6F9D7B46&index=20

What is a Story Beat? LONG BLOG!

What is a Story Beat?

Short Answer? A beat is a unit of a scene in a story where there is an exchange between the characters and the action/ reaction/revelation advances the story and shape the turning of that scene.

Long Answer? I can only give you my personal understanding based on my experience. And sorry, but I can only do this in the long way.

Many years ago I was thinking about writing fiction and looked around for a writing class - no luck, but there was a screenwriting class by a bloke called Robert McKee over two days in London on something called Story Structure. This was in dark days without internet but I took the chance - when I got there, it was full of well known actors and movie directors! Scary!

I went in on a Saturday morning and by Sunday teatime my brain would never be the same again.

Until that weekend I had no clue that every second of a movie is choreographed on the page to create the precise emotional and visceral response in the viewer sitting in the dark in the cinema.

They achieve this through the Structure of the Story.

How? Exactly the same way as a fiction writer - only they get paid at each stage, but that is another blog.

* they create the story idea and characters and work on the outline for the story and possibly write a first exploration draft to help explore the idea [ typical screenplay = 120 pgs for 2hrs ]

* they work and work and work to find the best way of expressing that story in the most powerful and effective manner possible - and that means structure.

Acts broken down into Scenes. And each Scene is broken down into Beats.

This is how Jenny Cruisie** defines Acts better than I could.

'Act One: The conflict begins and while the protagonist is fighting the beginning skirmishes, the entire book is set up–all characters introduced at least by reference, all subplots begun, the mood, time, and place, etc. This is the promise you make the reader which must be fulfilled in Act Four. So Act One is set-up while you’re telling your story. It can’t just be you setting up everything, the story has to begin on page one and escalate to the turning point/climax. Remember Act One is a story of its own.

Act Two: The turning point has thrown the protagonist into a much more dangerous/desperate story, and here the conflict builds. You’re not setting up anything any more, now you’re revealing character change as the action escalates. You build in tension to the middle turning point where something happens that is so radical that it forces the character to act in ways he or she has never done before, thus cementing character’s change halfway to his or her complete change at the end. I like to make this act shorter than the first one for pacing purposes, but it almost always ends up shorter anyway because I’ve got so much heavy lifting to do setting up the book in Act One.

Act Three: The conflict continues to build (which is why screenplay structure considers Act Two and Three one act, they have the same definition: Build). The stakes are much higher, the protagonist’s desperation much greater, etc. ending in the third turning point, often referred to as “the dark moment” when all is lost and your protag is on his or her knees. For pacing and tension purposes, I recommend making this act shorter than the last one.

Act Four : This is the shortest, fastest act, everything in motion, hurtling toward the climax and resolution. This act is where you resolve everything including all subplots before the climax. Answer all questions, end all character arcs, finishing everything before the protag and antag face each other in the final climactic scene, the obligatory scene.

Everything in the book rests on that final climactic scene. Think of your plot as a triangle balanced on its point. The climax is at the point. You can have a short resolution scene after the climax, just enough to give the reader breathing space, a chance to relax within the story before it ends. But keep it short; you want the reader remembering the climax, not the resolution. '

Okay. Each Act then has to be broken down into scenes.

Let's say that I am writing a short contemporary romance - say 50, 000 words.

I like to write scenes which last from 4 to 5 pages, so that something happens every 4 to 5 pages.

If one page = 250 words, 4 pages = 1000 words, 5 pages = 1250 words.

So. I would expect to create between 40 and 50 scenes, divided up into chapters.

Think of it as a storyboard.

This is the flow of the story. Here are my hero and heroine and this is how he/she is acting and feeling and how the romance and the storylines are working in that chapter.

THAT scene has to give the reader THIS information/ part of the story so that the chapter works within the bigger framework of the story.

If you have 50, 000 words, and, for example, 11 chapters, you only have 4000 to 5000 words a chapter. That's 4 scenes. So each scene has to achieve many functions. So you challenge that scene, you interrogate it, you ask it hard questions.

Now to answer my own question. What is a Story Beat?

A Story Beat is how you build up a scene, step by step, so that the scene does its job in that chapter in that place in your story.

There are so many examples I could use but this is one from a HMB I read last week -

Beat sheet – 'Steamy Surrender by' Ally Blake *

Questions you have to ask about the scene.

• Who is my viewpoint character or characters.
• What does the hero want in this scene? Why are they here? Why now?
• Who is going to block that want? How?
• What are the turning points?
• How does the whole scene turn from start to end?

Okay, so here goes my pathetic look at the opening scene of this short contemporary.
I think there are 10 beats to the point where the hero and heroine actually talk to one another for the first time. At the end of this scene the story launches into another scene, still in the shop, where the detailed dialogue takes off. That has a separate series of turning points and an escalation of the tension in the scene which leads off into the main Chapter One Turning point.

1
Morgan pushed her large sunnies higher onto her nose then stared across Como Avenue, the ice cold Melbourne street in which the cabbie had left her. She rubbed fast hands down her arms to ward off the insidious chill in the air. And she frowned. This was reason she had spent twenty-four hours seated on planes, fifteen of those hours next to a guy who hadn’t showered in at least a week?
When lawyers had contacted her in Paris less than two weeks earlier with the news that she’d inherited five shopfronts in Carlton, she’d been silly enough to allow herself to imagine a quaint florist, a charming café, maybe even a funky boutique or two.
But considering the bequest had come from her grandfather on her mother’s side she ought to have known better. The Kiplings had two great talents; self-preservation, and intra-family disharmony. Passing on prime real estate in a move of last minute conciliation would just have been out of character.
__________________________________________________________________
We know that the heroine is called Morgan. She has travelled from Paris on a 24 hr flight after receiving an inheritance from her grandfather – where there is trouble within the family - and now she has come to inspect the five shopfronts in Melbourne. It is an ice cold day.

___________________________________________________________________
2
As it turned out, her inheritance offered a city full of savvy shoppers a drycleaner, a real estate agency with faded advertisements lining a cracked window, an Indian restaurant with dusty red curtains and crazed vinyl chairs haphazardly lining the footpath, and a place called Jan’s Wool and Fabric with a sign so old it was missing the tenth digit which had been added to all Australian phone numbers many years before.
The final shopfront was the building’s saving grace. With new signage, golden down lights and clean windows, the façade of the Bacio Bacio Gelataria was like a sunburst of panache within the hotchpotch of ancient, dilapidated outlets. And though the idea of gelato seemed ludicrous considering it was at most five degrees outside, it was enough for Morgan to decide to start her stealthy reconnaissance there. She stamped her half numb feet against the cold cracked concrete, took a gulp of her lukewarm, over baked, congealing, takeaway coffee for courage, and checked the street before crossing, reminding herself to look right first and last. Yet while nearby Lygon Street hummed with constant traffic, Como Avenue had none.
‘You sure ain’t in Paris anymore,’ she told herself before jogging across the empty road.

________________________________________________________________

Five shops. The last one is new and shiny. A gelataria. The empty street is quiet with cracked concrete. She plans to start her ‘stealthy reconnaissance’. Her decision is to start with the ice cream shop. Note the detail here - she needs the money and this is her inheritance.

__________________________________________________________________
3
Saxon sang along with his favourite Elvis Costello CD as he turned Bessie, his beloved midnight blue 1968 MkII Jaguar, off Lygon Street and into Como Avenue.
When she purred to a full stop in the staff parking area at the back of the run of shops, he gave her his habitual loving stroke of the dash, and told her what a good girl she was before getting out.
__________________________________________________________________
This is the hero. English classic car and English old style music. He has good taste, stylish, and talks to his car – an endearing touch – treats it like a girl. Instantly appeals.

__________________________________________________________________
4
‘Sheesh,’ he said to no one in particular when the freezing wind whipped about his face and leached through his jeans.
He didn’t remember it having been this cold in years. Not since the halcyon days of cruising Lygon Street in nothing warmer than a T-shirt and Levi 501s, the tape player in his hotted up Monaro cranked loud with Billy Joel while his similarly under-dressed cousins shouted offers to the lucky ladies on the sidewalk as they thundered by.
He pulled his beanie tighter over his ears and his sheepskin collar higher around his neck. Not all was lost. The sky was crystal clear indicating fresh snowfall on the northern mountaintops. He might still get the chance to take Bessie for a run up to Mt Buller before the week was out. Skiing, mulled wine by the open fire, with a little Tom Jones on the CD player. If he played his cards right perhaps even a warm willing ski bunny in faux fur and tight pants might help take the edge off.

_________________________________________________________________

He grew up here – knows the street and the area, and used to cruise with his cousins. He knows the good life – sporting, good food and wine, music, and he is single. Looking for some female company. He likes ladies and fun. Has a business and has money.

__________________________________________________________________
5
The sound of a distant tinkling bell split the air, drawing him out of his daydream. He’d know the sound of that particular bell anywhere. For him it meant business.
He popped a stick of cinnamon gum in his mouth, waiting for the peppery sweetness to warm him as he jogged to the back door of the shop. He knew he ought to just give his cousin Darius his weekly kick in the pants and leave Trisha to handle the customers. But the thrill of the chase warmed his blood more than any Tom Jones song ever had.
Nope. Darius wouldn’t get much of a wave before he spent a busy lunch hour doing what he did best. Selling ice-cream to Eskimos.
__________________________________________________________________
He is a business man and this is his business. He should leave the work to his cousin and staff – but he loves selling ice cream. This is what he does best. He has cousins who he used to hang out with. Hint at his musical tastes/ cultural refs. Time of day.

___________________________________________________________________
6
The soft tinkling of an old fashioned brass bell heralded Morgan’s introduction to The Bacio Bacio Gelataria.
She slid her knee length knitted scarf from around her neck and tied it around the handle of her oversized designer bag - one of a trillion freebies she received as a perk of working as a photographic set designer for a top fashion mag in Paris. Then she strolled deeper into the room, her creative eye skimming over numerous visual delights.
_____________________________________________________________
She is a set designer for a top fashion mag in Paris. And she likes the décor.

_______________________________________________________________
7
Rendered walls were painted a deep golden yellow bar one feature wall covered in an impression of Tuscan hills. A huge gleaming bronze espresso machine took up a tidy portion of the long mahogany counter top, leaving the remainder of the space for curved glass cabinets, cleverly backlit to make the most of at least three dozen long trays filled with towering swirls of multi-coloured gelato, flat spoons sticking out the top of each perfect mound like the first flag on Mount Everest.
It was the kind of place someone in her job dreamed of stumbling upon.
A perfect blend of colour, texture, and lighting. It bombarded the senses in such a way it sold not just foodstuffs, but an image, a feeling. She could imagine men in fedoras crowded around the several tiled wrought-iron tables talking football spreads and planning heists, and little kids in newsboy caps sticking their noses against the large window, wishing they hadn’t spent the last of their pocket money on some silly toy.
It was a pity she was here on not nearly so pleasant a task as scouting out a Chic Magazine set. A great pity.
Instead, by the end of the week she would have to have made a decision: up the rent astronomically to make the place viable, or sign off on the plans burning a hole in her bag and raze the building to the ground.

___________________________________________________________________

She is an artist and has an artist’s eyes when she looks at the place. It creates a feeling, not just an image. But her imagination goes riot.
Then reveals – she had to decide whether to increase the rent, or sign off on the plans burning a hole in her bag – and level the place.
What plans?
Why by the end of the week? asks questions in the reader.

___________________________________________________________________
8
Once inside, Saxon replaced his beanie for a black Bacio Bacio cap, left his leather jacket over a chair in the staff room, and tied a deep red apron around his waist, tightening the knot in front.
He tucked his hair behind his ears, decided he’d better get a hair cut before his mother saw him again, and then hastened out into the warm inviting surrounds of his home away from home to find a woman had entered his haven.
___________________________________________________________________
He has to cut his hair before seeing his mother - a woman he respects.
The shop is his home from home. And a woman had entered his warm and inviting space.

____________________________________________________________________
9
He slowed. For this was not just any woman, but a woman who deserved a second glance. And a third. And dinner and a movie and at least an attempt at a nightcap.
Blonde she was. Dirty blonde with luscious waves trailing long and unkempt down her front. Huge dark sunglasses covered half her small face. At least three gold chains hung around her slim neck, carrying oversized charms that jingled against one another as she moved through the room, giving her a kind of musical quality. And poking out from her ridiculously high-heeled bronze sandals the nails of her dainty toes were painted working-girl-red. Actually she was kind of small all over; the class of woman his father would say fit nicely into one’s pocket. Her pint-sized loveliness was sheathed in a tight gold V-neck top that adhered lovingly to some seriously eye-catching curves, like caramel sauce over ice-cream. And a now-you-see-it-now-you-don’t sliver of skin between the bottom of her top and the top of calf-length cargo pants kept him riveted for a good thirty seconds.

_______________________________________________________________

He is good with details and appraises women in a certain way.

[ and you can't help notice that she is wearing high heeled sandals and bare feet - and it is freezing outside. This could be a plot device or a symbol that she is a phoney all surface girl.

________________________________________________________________
10
Saxon made a concerted effort to rein in his libido which had become overexcited astonishingly quickly for such a cold winter morning. For simmering just below the initial wham bam thank-you ma’am attraction he felt a thread of residual discomfort, like a red flag waving in the very corner of his sub-conscious. Something about this woman was making him itch.
He caught Trisha’s eye instead and motioned that he’d get this one. The grin on Trisha’s face told him she’d been more than half expecting it. He curled his lip and it only made her giggle behind her hand before she snuck out the back to take her morning break before the lunch rush set in.
Alone with the mystery woman Saxon leaned on the counter and began his signature pitch that had sold a million gelatos and turned his family’s one small suburban shop into a trans-Tasman empire.
‘What’s your poison?’ he asked.
__________________________________________________________________
This is not the first time saxon had looked after female customers.
He senses something different about this woman.
He has a sales pitch – and he has turned the small family business into an empire. So he is a successful entrepreneur. And he has thought about both his parents and his cousins as working together. Contrast with Morgan’s family on her mother’s side = self-preservation and family disharmony.
_________________________________________________________________

· What does the hero want in this scene? Morgan has come to see the five shops she has inherited from her grandfather- and decide whether to raise the rent or go with the plans and level the place – and she had to decide by the end of the week
· Who is going to block that want? the occupants of the five shops and especially Saxton, the ice cream seller
· How is the conflict going to escalate in this scene? Saxon sees her and is attracted to her
· What are the turning points? Morgan decides to start her investigation at the ice cream shop. Saxon decides to serve in the shop instead of leaving it to the cousin and staff, and then he sees Morgan and is attracted - and stays.
· How does the whole scene turn from start to end? Morgan is wearing sun glasses in the freezing cold – ends with Saxton in the warm and inviting shop.

KEY POINT
Some people break down the scene this way before they write.

MOST writers I know create the 'discovery draft' as Nora Roberts I think calls it, then use Craft and structure to make the story as strong as possible.

Do you do this type of 'Scene Design' for every scene?

You could, but your brain would explode, or your book would take a very long time. But certainly for the opening scenes which have to work hard and key turning points in the book.

*http://www.allyblake.blogspot.com/ - from her book extracts. Great book!

Resources?

FREE -

1. **Jenny Crusie and Bob Meyer - excellent section on scenes and beats - and plot and conflict in general http://www.crusiemayer.com/workshop/she-wrote-scene-structure/jenny/

2. Terry Rossio and Ted Elliott wrote 'Shrek' and 'Pirates' and have a superb database of articles on Craft. http://www.wordplayer.com/columns/wp32.Plot.Devices.html

3. Google 'Story Structure' or 'Story Beats' and procrastinate for hours.

OTHER-

Robert McKee wrote a well known book ' Story' and there are two long chapters on scene design and scene analysis - his analysis of scenes from the movie 'Casablanca' is amazing.

There are hundreds of other books on Amazon on structure, but life is too short.

YouTube? Who has time to YouTube. Think of all those Beats I have to correct!. LOL Ray :o))